Dear America,
I have been to visit your country a few times now. It’s
amazing but it can be incredibly confusing for a tourist like me. Don’t get me
wrong, I love it, but I just have a few questions that I want answering.
1) Have you guys ever heard of portion
control? Every time I’ve ever been to America, l leave feeling like a
turkey stuffed for Christmas (or Thanksgiving, depending on your festival of
choice). This time is no exception. It may just be that I have a warped sense
of your relationship with food, but why such massive plates? When I say I feel
like I could eat a cow, it’s not a challenge!
2) Why do you put up with so many adverts on
TV? I managed to channel hop through all sixty-something channels on the
hotel TV without *ever* seeing a TV programme. I only ever saw “commercials” as
you would say. WHY? When I’m watching Toddlers and Tiaras I want to watch my
crap TV with minimal interruption. I just don’t understand how you put up with
half an hour of adverts for ever half an hour of actual telly…
3) Why does Toddler and Tiaras even exist? I’m
not going to pretend I haven’t watched this. But I always feel like an awful
person when I watch it. But it’s so addictive. Aaaaaah, why have you created
this monster?!
4) If you are going to advertise medication,
why spend half the advert telling me all the side effects? I know the
answer to this myself – it’s the law; but that doesn’t make it any less weird.
When all I can remember of your advert is that possible side effects include diarrhoea,
vomiting and even blood clots, but not what the medication you are advertising
is for, there is something wrong.
5) Who designed your motorways freeways?
And can we have them in England? I guess this is one of the advantages of
living somewhere where the roads were built before the cities. But, honestly,
London could do with a few six-lane motorways.
6) If trousers are called pants, what are
pants called? There are some quirks of American English that I find very
amusing (like the fact that motor oil is called lube) but this is not one of
them. It makes me very confused. Does the word trousers mean something
completely different in America?
7) If crisps are called chips and chips are
called French fries, what are French fries called? Along the same line as
above. *Insert confusion here*.
8) What is this witchcraft that allows you to
turn right on a red light? I….just…can’t….comprehend. Protip: In England,
we stop at red lights. Try to turn a corner and you gonna be in serious shiz.
Also, when you have a crossroads with stop signs for cars coming from all
directions, who has right of way?
Yours sincerely,
A confused Brit.
Also, off topic:
 |
| On time update, bitches. |
Adios Pokéfans!
What I'm listening to: Still the new Script album...
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